Ashes to Ashes
by omalleyanatomy26
Summary: The team learns that Gideon has died. Morgan tries to comfort Reid who has taken the news the hardest. A one shot. PLEASE REVIEW!


**Just because I think his death would affect them all, especially Reid. **

It still stunned them. _former Agent Gideon is dead_. They could barely believe Strauss when she had told them. Strauss left them all standing in shock. Hotch shook his head. Damn it. Gideon got out only to get die.

Morgan was watching Reid from a distance. The kid's demeanor changed since he heard the news. His whole body looked limp. He knew Reid was probably taking it the hardest. Gideon was like a father to the kid.

"Reid?" He saw Garcia walk up to the young man. He smiled. Of course Garcia would be protective of Reid. "You okay?"The others looked Reid then, as if making for the connection themselves of how much harder Gideon's death was on him than it was on them.

Reid swallowed.

"I...I need some air," he said. Hotch nodded softly.

"Of course."

Morgan watched how calm Hotch seemed but could see the pain in Hotch's eyes, hiding there, and trying to remain invisible-but failing to do so. He watched as Reid left the building.

"Excuse me," he said quickly to Emily who nodded..

JJ folded her arms, worry filling her. She squeezed Garcia's hand. She could tell Garcia was thinking about Reid too Could Spence cope with this kind of loss without breaking?

While they mourned the loss of Gideon they were all worried about how Reid would take the news.

* * *

"Kid?" Morgan walked out of the building to find Reid sitting on a bench. "You all right?" He sat down next to the young man slowly.

"I never got a chance to say goodbye to him," whispered Reid. "He...He left, just like my father, and then died. I didn't have any way of contacting him..." He lookd at Morgan, pain etched deep in his eyes, brought on by old wounds. "Why do people always leave me, Morgan? I mean...first my dad...then Gideon." He shook his head. "It just seems like every father figure that I connect with leaves...or dies."

"Reid them leaving is NOT your fault," Morgan said sternly. "It's NOT because of you. Gideon left you a letter, and ONLY you. That's gotta mean something."

"I know that...but he left you all too. And now he's dead...and I feel guilty for still being mad at him for leaving. I thought I had moved on from that but learning that he died I realized I would never see him again and ask him...WHY he couldn't contact me at all. Why he had to cut me and everyone out of his life like that." His voice shook. "I just don't understand," he whispered. "I don't understand why I feel angry at him when I should feel sad."

"I think it's connected with your real father leaving you," Morgan said softly. "And how much that hurt you when he did."

"He left a letter too," Reid admitted. "Just like Gideon's...telling me it wasn't my fault...and yet I never hear from him again and I had to help my mother all by myself. He made me grow up the day he left."

Morgan nodded.

"And your anger at him probably was triggered and transfered when Gideon left and you read that letter. It probably brought back some unpleasent memories for you."

Reid swallowed.

"I feel so guilty, feeling angry at him still. And confused. Because...I feel like I've been punched in the stomach...I feel awful that he's dead...but still..."

"Anger's one of the comman 5 stages of grief," Morgan told him. "So you shouldn't feel guilty about that."

"I'm more angry at myself," Reid said suddenly, surprising Morgan.

"What? Why?"

"Because...I should have found a way to contact him. I mean my mind can do all kinds of stuff and not track a man like Gideon down? I should have tried at least instead of giving up."

"Reid you shouldn't blame yourself for anything. It's not your fault he left!" Morgan's voice rose a little bit.

Reid lowered his head.

"I guess...I just feel lost without him...knowing there's no way I could contact him..." Morgan nodded.

"I understand."

"I'm just...so confused right now...too many emotions." Reid remembered what it was like when he learned his father lived 10 away from his old home and that he never contacted Reid. How...ugly he felt. Like he was a freak that only a mother could love.

"I sometimes felt like I was too much of a freak for either of them to stick around," Reid said suddenly. Morgan stared at him.

"What?"

"Especially my dad. I figured that it was my fualt he left. I wasn't normal enough. He didn't want to have a freak for a son. And then when Gideon left I wondered if he got tired of me, fed up or something...I mean he explained why he left but I still wondered."

Morgan closed his eyes. The guilt the kid had been carrying all these years.

"Reid, you're not a freak. I'll say this again them leaving is NOT your fault."

"I know that now and deep down I knew that when Gideon left...I guess I was just..."

"Hurt? We all were, man. It makes sense you were hurt the most."

Reid nodded. Tears fell in his eyes.

"He's really gone," he whispered. "He's really dead."

"He really is," Morgan said sadly. Reid swallowed and nodded, trying to collect himself. Morgan stood up. He sensed the kid wanted to be alone at the moment

"I'm...going back and see if the team needs me...If you need to talk do not hesitate to come to me, you hear me?"

"Yeah." Reid looked at the streets.

"I mean that kid, come to me if you need ANYTHING. I'll be there for you. We all will."

Reid looked at him when he said that and Morgan saw a new sense of fear on the young man's face.

"Promise me you won't leave me?" He suddenly begged.

"What?" Morgan looked confused.

"Promise you won't leave...like they did. Without contacting me. Please...I need to know you won't...abandon me too. "

Morgan sat back down quickly.

"Reid I will NEVER leave you or the team, I promise you that."

Reid sighed, his shaking stopped for a bit.

"But if you HAD to for some reason you'd..."

"I'd make sure you could contact me. I'm not going to abandon my family Reid. You're my family and so's the rest of the BAU. You don't have to worry about that."

Reid took deep breaths and nodded.

"Thanks," he whispered. He watched Morgan go back into the building.

* * *

He stood in front of Gideon's tombstone a few days later. He remembered the funural from the other day. He had given a eulogy despite how uncomfortable public speaking was to him. He had to do it, for Gideon. He had shaken Gideon's son's hand.

He stared at what was said in front of him.

_Jason Gideon_

_Beloved father and friend_

He sighed.

"I'm sorry I got mad after I learned you died," he said quietly. "It's just...I guess I still was mad at you leaving...I wish I could understand really why you did it. I don't think it was me...but it would still be nice to know for sure. But I know it's not your fault for dying...But it still...hurt, knowing that I could never contact you again." Reid swallowed. "I just want you to know how much you meant to me...which is why I wrote you this letter. I know logically you can't read it. But it felt like I was talking to you when I wrote it...and it's stuff I can't say outloud...too personal. So um...I'll just leave it here." Reid placed the letter on the grave. He never understood why people talked to graves like these since their loved ones couldn't hear him anymore. Now he understood a little better. There are some things you just had to say outloud, even if they couldn't respond back. He blinked back tears. "I hope..You were happy at the end. Wherever you were and whatever you were doing. You deserved a happy ending, you really did." He coughed and shifted, getting uncomfortably awkward. "I...guess there's really one last thing to say," he said quietly. He paused before saying it and then finally whispered the word he hated saying the most. "Goodbye." He started to walk away but then stopped and turned again. "I'll miss you," he finally added sadly before leaving the grave and headed to the car, headed towards his future, leaving the past behind him.

**I REALLY hope that Reid was in character in this one shot.**


End file.
